just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
