Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
