I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
