oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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