Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
