just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize