She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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