she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
operation have a gay friend backfired
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
