I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
