she smelled like a LAN party
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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