Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
