oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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