so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
