I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
