its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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