I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize