"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
