What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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