Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
