lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
