Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
