im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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