she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize