I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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