I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
