Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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