He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
