I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
