my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Enjoy the penises
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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