New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
