When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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