Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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