Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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