I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
