Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
