So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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