After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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