Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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