...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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