i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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