She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
