dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
