DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
