I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
