I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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