Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Damn victory sex feels great
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
