I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
