im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
