Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
