community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
