She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
