dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
