Jerry, you need to find god
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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