Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
