a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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