my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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