I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
