just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
