4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
babies were throwing up all over the place
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
