I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
