pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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