I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
