I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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