just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Randomize
